Things Good Parents Do

This blog on hold until April 2009

jkochenburger — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:15:38 +0000

To my faithful readers, I want to thank you for your patience. It’s been awhile since I last posted. I am not going to be adding posts to this blog for awhile. I am beginning a new web venture that requires my full attention, well into April. I hope to be back and posting again then. Thank you for your patience!

Parents, Maybe You’re Just Not INTO Your Kids…

jkochenburger — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 07:30:49 +0000

How INTO your kids are you?
I ask this because, over time, I have heard parents say a number of things along the lines of…

“My son LOVES video game. I HATE video games.”

“My daughter LOVES that hip-hop stuff and these nasty-mouthed rappers. I like REAL music.”

“I LOVE the outdoors–when I was a kid, I played outside all day! My son loves the indoors–he NEVER goes outside.”

“I LOVE to read. My kids HATE to read.”

“I LOVE board games. My kids HATE board games.”

“I LOVE dramas and romantic comedies. My daughter HATES them. She LOVES horror movies (which I HATE).”

“I LOVED all sports when I was a kid. My son HATES sports.”

“I LOVE shopping. My daughter HATES to shop.”

“My son LOVES Disney Channel, I LOVE watching “sports” on TV–even bowling and poker.”

Me and my kid are WORLDS apart. “Night and day,” some parents say. How can a parent and child be SO different? Ssssshhhh, this is just a little secret parent to parent, but…

If I was absolutely honest…I’m just not INTO my child!

Parent, what do you do when you realize that you aren’t “into” your child and his or her interests…and that they don’t seem to be into you or yours? You have several “choices”:

A) Decide that’s just the way it is–you are “cut from different cloth” and get frustrated, sad, angry, happy about it (depending on your personality and your view of parenting).

B) Give your child away to a parent who is a better “fit.”

C) Get into your child and his or interests. (Create threads that will stitch even you and your “cut from different cloth” child closer together.)

How do you get into something you’ve decided you don’t like? Into someone who seems to be the South to your North?

Here is the secret, I have learned…right emotions follow right actions.

In other words you do even activities you don’t like, and you begin to find an enjoyment with them over time. Perhaps not a love for the activity per se…but a love for the shared experience with your child. The smiles, and memories you share–the things you learn about your child as you participate together–”stitching” together even you and your ”cut from different cloth” child. The new depths of love you are able to develop–it is amazing how the right emotions follow the right actions.

Not into the music, movies or TV your kids are into? Watch the movies, listen to the music, watch the tv shows with them. Turn them into interactions:

What is it about this song that makes you love it so much?

What do you like most about this show?

How does this make you feel?

What are some things we have done that you’ve most enjoyed?

As our kids get older, the differences between them and us parental units become clear. All parents expect there to be more similarities and more easy connection points between them and their children than there are. All of us are surprised by this. We shouldn’t be. Each of us is an individual. All relationships take work.

Right actions will become the source of life’s greatest joys and pleasures–finding connection points with your kids and new spaces for love and relationships to grow.

In COMMENTS below, talk about how your “right” actions have created new connection points and greater depths in your relationship with your child.

See these related posts: Knowing the Right Things to Do as a Parent, and Doing Them Are Two Different Things Good Parents Tell Their Children That if They Believe in Themselves, They Can Accomplish Anything! See these other Parentconsensus blogs:A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire

Free Sample Movie Clip Discussion for Parents (Freedom Writers: A Toast to Change!)

jkochenburger — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 04:58:00 +0000

When I posted this, I didn’t think of President Barack Obama’s theme of change or the tremendous change brought about by the work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. How fitting that this post be released (and hopefully read and used) this week!

Enjoy this FREE sample movie clip discussion for your family from my latest book for parents: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking :

CHANGE

(A Toast…”the Past is Past”)

Movie: Freedom Writers
Studio: Paramount, 2007
Rating: PG-13

TIP: If you decide to do the toast as a family, have some sparkly cider on hand! This movie is based on the very moving book, The Freedom Writer’s Diary (Main Street Books, 1999). Also, bad language alert in this clip.

CLIP CUE FOR DVD
Chapter: 10
Clip start: 1 hour, 9 minutes, 55 seconds
Clip end: 1 hour, 15 minutes, 1 second
Clip duration: 5 minutes, 6 seconds

SET UP FOR THE CLIP: In this real-life story, Erin Gruwell, a naive, overly-optimistic first year teacher is assigned to an unruly class full of kids in a racially divided southern California high school. She flounders for a way to connect with her students. A breakthrough begins when Erin assigns her students to keep a journal of their lives.

In this clip, Erin challenges her students to make a toast for change. A “from this moment on, things are going to be different” kind of thing. One young man in particular shares a moving account of what the class has meant to him.

After viewing the clip, discuss these questions:

Think about the young man who shared his journal entry about being evicted and feeling so bad when he showed up for school. He said the classroom was like home to him and that Mrs. Gruwell was the only one to make him think of hope. Where do YOU feel most at home? Who are the people around you who make you feel special? Who give you hope?
What one thing from your past do you most need to move beyond? What do we need to break free from in our family’s past?
What more can we do to make one another feel special?
What hopes do you have for our family and our future?

To start the year, the teacher holds a “toast for change” with her students. (If you decided to do a family toast, distribute the cider now.) Let’s take a moment for a bit of silence and think about what the teacher just said. When you are ready, share your “toast for change.”

I trust you enjoyed this movie clip discussion! If you would like to purchase this book, it is available through Amazon. Simply click here to be whisked away to Amazon to find out more about the book or to purchase: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

To find out more information about the DVD, Freedom Writers, click here: Freedom Writers (Widescreen Edition)

In COMMENTS below, let me know what you think about the discussion and the changes to which your family has committed?

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Knowing the Right Things to Do as a Parent, and Doing Them Are Two Different Things

jkochenburger — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:48:00 +0000

I had a follow up with the dermatologist yesterday (for the first visit, see the humorous post, The “Pre-Perfect” Parent! “) Just wondering why I am 46 and still wrestling with acne. Me and the pimple pop doc are still trying to slay the blemish beast. Hence my return.

It is rosacea.

The doctor went though a list of things I need to do to tame the beast, if not vanquish it:

* Get adequate rest (Impossible–I’m a blogger with a full-time real job.)

* Avoid spicy foods (I am a devout chili head–with an extensive hot sauce collection)

* Avoid caffeine (I’m a sucker for the White Chocolate Mocha Latte at Starbucks–the Venti-size–the BIG boy half-gallon drink)

* Avoid stress (I have a teenage daughter who is very interesting to boys…impossible)
Blah, blah, blah…

He said several other things , but I was trying to visualize life without these things and seeing only a long, dark, unhappy tunnel. (Well, except for a life with no knucklehead teenage boys chasing my daughter…that made me happy…)

He said, “Why don’t you ever listen to me?” or something like that. I forget. I wasn’t paying attention.

The mystery was solved. I had all the information I needed. I heard at least some portion of the treatment. I was already deciding to live with rosacea rather than give up some things I like to do.

I’m not alone.

“In 1964 the Surgeon General of the U.S. (the chief doctor for the country) wrote a report about the dangers of cigarette smoking. He said that the nicotine and tar in cigarettes cause lung cancer. In 1965 the Congress of the U.S. passed the Cigarette Labelling and Advertising Act. It said that every cigarette pack must have a warning label on its side stating “Cigarettes may be hazardous to your health.”(source: From the First to the Last Ash: The History, Economics & Hazards of Tobacco )

Even with the labels on the packs of “cancer sticks,” billions and billions of cigarettes are sold in the U.S. each year to committed smokers who KNOW it can kill them. Why?

It is not enough the KNOW the right things to do. We must DO the right things we know to do. ACTIONS turn knowledge into LIFE CHANGE. Knowledge with action is key to not only kicking bad habits but key to success in life.

I know what I need to do to clear up my skin. The smoker knows what he or she needs to do to live a longer, healthier life. Now the question is, do we have the self-control and the moral will (or “guts”) to do what we know is right?

How does any of this apply to parenting? Glad you asked. Simply this: Much of the time you KNOW what you need to do as a parent. You just DON’T do it. (Me too.) You want to revolutionize your relationship with your child or teen? DO the right things you KNOW to do.

Only by taking action on the right you know to do will you unleash the power to bring life-changing/ relationship-renovating change to you and/or your child. (See the great comment below from MeMe on the ludicrous “Do as I say, not as I do” speech. That speech doesn’t cut it and it doesn’t get us off the hook–in fact, it says “I’ve given up” and “I have no guts.” Actually now there even more good comments. Check ‘em all out.)

It is not enough to KNOW the right things to do as a parent. We must DO the right things we know to do. ACTIONS turn knowledge into a powerful force for LIFE CHANGE. Knowledge joined with action is the key to becoming an effective and successful parent.

RIGHT INFORMATION + RIGHT ACTION= LIFE CHANGE

Want to see a revolution in your parenting and in your family? Have the GUTS to do the parenting things you know to do but have put off, or simply not done. Do them now. You only have control over today. There is no tomorrow promised to any of us.

Think of YOUR behavior in the context of your child’s life. Ask yourself, “What do I want them NOT to do?” Stop doing it yourself.

Then ask yourself, “What do I do that I MOST want my child to do?” Make sure they see you doing those right things FREQUENTLY (and involve them–they only learn by DOING too). Be the model your kids deserve. One they CAN want to be just like, one they can follow by doing what they do.

In COMMENTS below, share some the right things….the HARD things you’ve had to do as a parent, that paid off BIG time in your relationship with your child/ children. Or just tell readers what you think!

Things Good Parents Do: Reader Favorites of 2008 (part 1)

jkochenburger — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 12:35:00 +0000

(The Kochenburger fam relaxing at home in 2008…)

Things Good Parents Do, is a tongue-in-cheek (sometimes downright cheeky!) blog that added a little rascally wit and “wisdom” (HA!) into the parenting scene. I have enjoyed writing Things Good Parents Do, and our readership has grown–wildly of late! Though there are MANY outstanding parenting, dad, and mommy blogs out there, parents (and MANY non-parents) seem to have made a place in their hearts for Things Good Parents Do, which has been a surprise and a lot of fun for me!

To you, my readers, I say THANK YOU! You energize me to keep doing this–well until the money and fame start rolling in…(oops, did I write that out loud?) Seriously, THANK YOU for liking it and for letting me know. That’s the reward for me.

Here we go:

(1)–Gag-Proof Your Parenting Attitude! (Get the Funk Out Your Home!)
Finally, the Smithsonian cleaning crew showed up, sprinkled the pixie dust on the puke ocean (and pond) and the Smithsonian was saved from the vomit threat. And we, we who endured the horror together became very close, like a family. A family of vomit funk survivors. Believe it or not, there is a tie in here with parenting–besides the importance of having a strong gag reflex. (Somebody holla’ poopy diaper!!!) And I wanted a RIVETING attention-getter to make this point unforgettable. It’s all about attitude ma and/or pa. Read more!

(2)–#1 Secret of the Parenting Universe Revealed (Hint: Media, Teen Sex, THE Talk)
“A strong association between sexual content on television and teen pregnancy is not surprising, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at the Morehouse School of Medicine and the medical director for the Center for Excellence in Sexual Health.” Well, I’m the medical director for Common Sense and I am sayin’–Ya think???Read more!

(3)–Ugly Son? It’s Dad’s Fault, Study Shows…
In America, one of our most important tasks, as good parents, is to produce beautiful children. The reason for this is two-fold, 1) it makes our friends jealous, and, 2) it allows us the ability to put a spotlight on our own attractive features by pointing them out in our children.
It works like this:
Jessica’s Mom to friend:: “Jessica’s eyes are so pretty in this portrait.”
Desired response delivered from same friend: “She’s beautiful, she has your eyes.”
Jessica’s Mom to friend: “Oh, you’re so sweet for saying that.” (Thinks: Yes, she is beautiful. Yes, she gets it from me.)Read more!

(4)–Top 10 Things Parents Should Let Their Children Do at Restaurants!
I am begging all parents to PLEASE let your child do the following things at restaurants:

#10) Encourage children to whirl and dance in youthful glee around the tables. Note the look of enjoyment and smiles of appreciation on all the people around you…Read more!

(5)–Good Parents Raise Only Gifted Children! (The Story of Little “Drunk”)
Good parents must have gifted children. As everyone knows, children of good parents are to be little “mini-me’s” of their brilliant, multi-talented, wildly successful mom and dad. Nothing validates good parents like a gifted child…Read more!

(6)–Good Parents Insure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children…or Die Trying! (Part 1)
Good parents ensure a germ-free home (and WORLD). They are “germaphobes” and proud of it. For the good parent, a child with a cold, runny nose or fever means just one thing, failure. Well, failure and shame!

You’ll recognize these good parents easily–throwing themselves between the sneezer and their child (the sneezee)…Read more!

(7)–Ain’t Nothin’ But a Twin Thang! (Sibling Rivalry x10…and what to do about it)
I have an identical twin. His name is Phil. Mine is James (”Jimmy” way back when, Jim now). So there was no cutesy name stuff happening, thank God. No Jimmy and Timmy, Billy Bobby and Bobby Robby, or Skeeter and Peter. One small grace in an otherwise graceless situation.

Many people would say to us “being a twin must be awesome!” We would just look at the person in amazement, and say (probably in unison), “Now you are just talking like a crazy person!”…Read more!

(8)–Parents: The Ticking Crocodile Chases Each of Us
I loved it…a dad and daughter, sharing a lunch out together. I am a sucker for that stuff–seeing dad’s “into” their kids. So I paid attention. I thought I just might have a warm observation/ entry for this blog.

Sadly, I was wrong. Though this dad had the right idea about being “there” with his daughter–sadly, he never showed up. Predictably, he was wearing his bluetooth earpiece. Since he hadn’t arrived in a helicopter, and there was no briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, my guess was, he didn’t have his finger on the nuclear button–so no real need to keep that earpiece in…Read more!

(9)–Good Parents Insure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children…or Die Trying! (Part 2)
Want to mess with a germaphobe “good parent’s” mind? Here are a few ideas:

1) Remind them the kitchen–not the bathroom–is the nastiest room in the home. Mention that video you saw one time where they used a bacteria-detecting lamp to show all the bacteria in some ladies kitchen. She SEEMED to keep a clean kitchen–she was wrong. The lamp showed bacteria all over her counters, the fridge, the sink and…all over her son! (Better yet, tell them this at your house so they will clean your kitchen for you. They must do this–they are too good not to!)…Read more!

(10)–Good Parents Make Their Kids “Face The Fear”!
Peyton Pinkerton, 37, has been known to run out of malls, fairgrounds, and other places “on repeated occasions,” to flee the object of his personal phobia: clowns (Coulrophobia). Why, you ask?
“I was yelled at by a birthday party clown when I was about 4 years old and have been absolutely terrified of them ever since. If I’m surprised by seeing a clown, it’s like snakes or rats. My fight-or-flight response kicks in,” Pinkerton says. (Source: CNN article below.)…Read more!

See Jim’s book: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

Things Good Parents Do: Reader Favorites of 2008 (part 2)

jkochenburger — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:07:00 +0000

(Jim’s fam in front of a door in Rome.)

Here are a few more fun posts I think you’ll enjoy if you’re new to Things Good Parents Do…(new material coming this weekend

Fun on Flight 1703 (The Zippy and Lippy Show or Dad Gone Wild!)

Christmastime 2007, my family and I traveled to New York City, (a favorite destination of ours–especially around Christmas). The trip was amazing–Central Park, The Grinch and A Color Purple on Broadway (go Fantasia!), pizza at Famous Ray’s (on 42nd St.), M&M’s superstore, breakfast in a diner with singing serving staff, and a number of memorably aromatic cab rides:) A good time was had by all. And now we were flying home to the land of Mickey Mouse–with a plane packed full of giddy would-be mouseketeers. Read more!

“A Dog + a Little Girl + An Automatic Car Window = Family Nightmare” Or “What You Gonna Do When Life Poops on You?”
It was an ordinary day. We had no reason to think it would spiral into a nightmare for my 8-year-old daughter, Kristin–and for our chronically shabby, ungroomed schnauzer named Frosty (Frosty’s a she by the way).

The family was packed into the Blazer, making a rare trip to Frosty’s groomer. Read more!

The “Pre-Perfect” Parent
I am 46 and I still battling my middle school nemesis–acne. This keeps me in touch with the whole teen experience and sometimes makes me question God about the unfairness of life (Why God, WHY???). Though I love taking skinventory as much as the next TEENAGE guy…gets a little old at 46.Read more!

Two Tykes on Trikes Cross Highway on Quest for Quisp and Quake! Parenting and Nutrition
The plan was perfect:

*Snatch spare change from around house (steal from mom’s purse if necessary).

*Drive tricycles to grocery store which was far away (2 miles).

*Purchase Quisp and Quake cereal because mom wouldn’t buy sugary cereals for us.
I was 3-years-old when I hatched this scheme. Admittedly, I did have an accomplice, my identical twin brother Phil. Read more!

Good Parents Raise Children to Be Winners (The Baby Expo)
My wife Karen and I ended up at a Baby Expo when my son was still very young. I don’t remember how old he was, but I do remember he was an expert crawler–sometimes a stumbling, bumbling, rambling, four-step walker. So whatever age that is–he was. (Though I am SURE it was before MOST children do the stumbling, bumbling thing

After paying $6 each to get in, we had $50 to “splurge” with. Read more!

Good Parents Tell Their Children That if They Believe in Themselves, They Can Accomplish Anything!
Sure right NOW…

…Little Susie Celine Schwartz makes the dog howl when she sings…but one day…she will fill arenas (even church people have said this–non-fibbers!), IF she just believes in herself.

If you just believe in yourself, you can accomplish ANYTHING–it’s what they’ve heard from their good parents all their lives–even at 3! Read more!

Good Parents Prevent Their Children From Poking Their Eye Out
Like Ralphie’s mom…teacher…and even Santa Claus in the movie, A Christmas Story, the #1 thing we’ve all heard from our parents is:
“Don’t __________ (any of 1000 things)–you’ll poke (or shoot) your eye out!”
Interesting that the eye shoot-out is #1, while, “I love you!” is like the #8 thing parents say, right AFTER #7, “You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out!” Read more!

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Good Parents Always Allow Their Children to Do What “Everybody” Else Does
“Mom! Why can’t I go? EVERYBODY else is going!”
“Dad, you never let me do what EVERYBODY else gets to do!”
“Ohmigosh, EVERYBODY is going to be there…EVERYBODY! So why can’t I go?”
“I want ___________ ! EVERYBODY else has one!”

The good parent would never keep their kid from doing what EVERYBODY is doing. One of the biggest fears the good parent has is that their child will not get things everybody has or enjoy all the fun that everybody enjoys. Read more!

Thank you for reading!

Celebrities Say Do NOT Vote for Things Good Parents Do for 2008 Weblog Awards????

jkochenburger — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:47:00 +0000

(DISCLAIMER 1: Okay, this post was a farce, a joke (some would say a joke gone wrong…). It was penned in the heat of “battle” for votes in the 2008 Weblog Awards. (This blog was nominated for Best Parenting Blog…whatever “Best” means

Turns out it was my most read post ever…had over 500 reads in one day! Nevertheless, I lost the contest (7th place). I think everyone bailed after they heard from Oprah–which I SHOULD have anticipated. Not bad for a 5-month old blog to be nominated though! Please read this in the spirit in which it was penned…just having some fun at my own expense! I KNOW you’ll get it. Here you go…

(Oprah Winfrey)

“Away with this man…remove him from my presence…SWINE! This is man is all the time trying to get on my show to talk about his blog, Things Good Parents Do, talking like he’s the next Dr. Phil. Mr. Ill more likely! (NOT ill in a good way). He’s CRAZY! Buck-wild…CRAZY. And as for that blog?? Child rest! Pleez! That boy needs to find him some SENSE!”

Shhhh…We are bloggers from the other blogs competing with this piddly little upstart blog in the Best Parenting Blog category. (We hacked into Jim’s blog just like we did the voting–hee!)

We must say, we have to agree with Oprah on this (and everybody knows you can’t put one past Oprah (or two). We can stay silent NO longer!!We’ve been way better at this way longer than this newbie twerp. We DESERVE this…he doesn’t. Thanks to our ireporters, we uncovered the dirt on this BRIGAND so desperately trying to steal OUR precious booty…as in, glory…here you go…

“I have NEVER seen any “parenting” resource more outrageous, and just downright troubling than this good parents blather pedddled by Jim Kochenburger–the court jester of the parenting world. Parenting is SERIOUS business. I would encourage all good parents to avoid Things Good Parents Do!”

(Dr. James Dobson, President, Focus on the Family)

“I wouldn’t let Jim Kochenburger OR his blog Things Good Parents within mace distance of me…STOP CALLING ME! (Dang that Paris and her stupid stolen phone)”

(Kim Kardashian, reality TV “celebrity”)

“GET REAL! Don’t vote for this Kochenburger or his steaming pile of manure that he calls Things Good Parents Do! This man has problems he better be gettin’ on dealin’ with! ”

(Dr. Phil, family expert, media manipulator, expert on all things)

“Jim Kochenburger has a PARENTING blog? OMG! One more reason not to let my parents know how to “Internet” as they say! “

(Miley Cyrus, teen pop star and actress, daughter of Achey-Breaky song dude. You know that song the Democrats did the Achey-Breaky dance to at that one convention?)

He did get one “celebrity” endorsement (ha!)…

“VOTE FOR JIM’s BLOG, THINGS GOOD PARENTS DO…BECAUSE…MMMmm-mmmm, I LIKE!”

(Perez Hilton, star blogger, celebrity extraordinaire)

You’ve been warned!!!! Don’t vote for him at: Best Parenting Blog–2008 WEBLOG AWARDS!

VOTE FOR US INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Let’s keep this our little secret!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Competitors in the “Best Parenting Blog” Category

Disclaimer 2: Yes this is a joke. No, my competitors are not hacking anything. Yes I do want you to vote for me. And yes, all these celebrities, I am sure, would love this blog…who wouldn’t? Well, except Perez…

VOTE FOR “THINGS GOOD PARENTS DO” NOW! THANKS (Don’t vote–it’s over! Thanks for the thought though!)

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Good Parents Always Allow Their Children to Do What "Everybody" Else Does

jkochenburger — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 04:46:00 +0000

(Alleged to be a genuine photo of EVERYBODY.)

“Mom! Why can’t I go? EVERYBODY else is going!”
“Dad, you never let me do what EVERYBODY else gets to do!”
“Ohmigosh, EVERYBODY is going to be there…EVERYBODY! So why can’t I go?”
“I want ___________ ! EVERYBODY else has one!”

The good parent would never keep their kid from doing what EVERYBODY is doing. One of the biggest fears the good parent has is that their child will not get things everybody has or enjoy all the fun that everybody enjoys. In short, the good parent wants his or her child to have EVERYTHING everybody has.

Disclaimer: As an adult and a parent, I can’t say
I’ve ever met the fabled “everybody.”

Nor has any parent I know met everybody. Not unlike believing that Bigfoot exists, or in aliens in Area 51, or that there actually ARE music videos on Music TV (MTV)…simply the fact that our children (and most good parents) believe that everybody exist is enough. Their actual existence is of course, unnecessary.

In this post I would like to share with other enquiring parents what I am fairly certain of concerning everybody. Though ACTUAL sightings are rare, and always suspect (typically second and third-hand, “I know a guy who knows a guy who actually MET an everybody…”), I am able to provide a rudimentary composite, informed “description” of them here from what I’ve picked up over the years.

What I think I know about everybody…

Everybody are the coolest, most popular, best-dressed, gorgeous kids you can imagine. They are rich, independent, and totally self-confident. They excel in all areas: socially, academically, athletically. And they do so effortlessly–without practice or study.

Everybody make all their own decisions. They do exactly what they want to do, when they want to do it–always. They get all the money they need from their parents to buy anthing or do anything they want.

Everybody do no work. They do no chores. They have no responsibilities. Their “job” (as they are often told by their parents) is to have fun and be a kid.

Everybody live in a world that revolves totally around them–to serve their every desire, want, need, or whim. It all exists for them. Better than shining stars–they are the sun around which the collective culural universe revolves.

Everybody never mention their parents–cause their parents and NO OTHER authority figures have any say or sway in their lives.

In spite of that, here is what I think I know about everybody’s parents:

Everybody have cool parents (i.e. parents not like you or me). Everybody’s parents always dress cool. They drive cool cars. They have a cool house. Everybody says they are cool. They spend TONS of money on their kids. Everybody’s friends says Everybody’s parents are the COOLEST.

Everybody’s parents never set rules. They never discipline or judge their child–EVER. Everybody’s parents never give advice or even float an opinion. They believe in allowing their child to set their own rules and to make their own choices and decisions on everything–always.

Everybody’s parents ensure everybody has 100% absolute privacy and autonomy. They don’t snoop or try and know anything about everybody’s world–nothing about who they hang out with, what they do or even who they are. What would be the point? It’s none of the parent’s business and they know it. They trust their child in all things always.

Everybody’s parents–are in no way like a referee–but are instead, in all ways the adoring, starstruck fan. There they are, ever standing on the sidelines no matter what their child does or says. They are ALWAYS supportive, NEVER critical–ever. Everybody’s parents are their kid’s friend. They are eye to eye in their relationship–some even call their parents by their first name. The parents tell everybody kid EVERYTHING–even ask the everybody’s advice.

Parents of everybody always do only the fun things their kids want to do. They NEVER make their kids do stuff or go anywhere unless the child approves it. If the everybody kid says, “I’m bored” the everybody parent feels he or she has ultimately failed.

Update…a tribe of EVERYBODY kids has been found!

You can watch them on The Hills reality tv show (or in reruns of the old Laguna Beach show). Everybody is watching that show!

In COMMENTS below, share what YOU know about the elusive “everybody” kids out there, their parents and the influence of “everybody” on your kids.

See related posts:
Teens Commit Suicide as Others Cheer and Jeer
I Talked to My Daughter
Understanding the Teen Brain

Get help from these resources:
For parents: Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child’s Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days
For teens: The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Good Parents Prevent Their Children From Poking Their Eye Out

jkochenburger — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:47:00 +0000

(Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong had a brush with death when his friend shot him in the head with a 16-inch arrow. Source for photos and the original article: ABC News)

Like Ralphie’s mom…teacher…and even Santa Claus in the movie, A Christmas Story, the #1 thing we’ve all heard from our parents is:

“Don’t __________ (any of 1000 things)–you’ll poke (or shoot) your eye out!”

Interesting that the eye shoot-out is #1, while, “I love you!” is like the #8 thing parents say, right AFTER #7, “You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out!”

In fact, the #1 proof that one is a good parent is that you have successfully protected your child from getting their eye poked out or shot out. Because of this “good parents” are ever vigilant in protecting their children’s eyes. Let something like this happen to your child…you are no longer qualified to be a good parent:

(X-ray of Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong showing the arrow in his head.)

(This X-ray shows how, during a fall, a car key penetrated the eyelid of 17-month-old Nicholas Holderman of Kentucky, reaching his brain. Thankfully he suffered no permanent damage.)

Yes, an eye injury is about the biggest fear any good parent has–especially the “lightweights” who have never had to rush their child to the hospital. Not quite as big a deal for those of us bad parents who get Christmas cards from the local emergency room thanking us for our continued business. (Not to mention “frequent visit” discount…anyone with a kid in sports understands this.)

For most good parents…

• Broken arm?

Freak-out meter: Low

Squeam factor: Minor (much higher if the bone pierced the skin)

• Big gash on head?

Freak-out meter: High

Squeam factor: Major (Higher if you THINK you see the skull)

• Eye injury with any sharp object?

Freak-out factor: OFF THE CHARTS!

Squeam factor: EXTREME

Something about a sharp object in an eye, or poking out of the eye REALLY freaks us out–to the level of incoherence. For example, if you saw that picture above and quite nearly passed out–you are probably a good parent.

This has led to a number of good parent warnings that all basically point back to the eye (oops, bad choice of words). These warnings get more elaborate over the years:

“Don’t touch that…you could poke your eye out.”

“Don’t run with your metal fork…you’ll fall down, your arm will flail out and…you’ll poke your eye out.”

“Don’t sword fight with sticks…because someone will poke at you with the SHARP end of the stick, you’ll partially block it but deflect it and then….you’ll poke your eye out!”

“Don’t create darts made by pushing straight pins through erasers–attaching paper fins so they’ll fly straight and throw them at each other in massive dart wars when you are working in the men’s department at Belk-Lindsey…you’ll poke your eye out. (Oh, this last one is something I did when I was 16 that my mom and dad did not know until now…:) (Yeah…these drew blood…)

These warnings get more elaborate because the longer you are a parent, the more horrific (and numerous!) the nightmare eye-injury scenarios become.

Honestly, by the time our children become teenagers, it’s a wonder we’re all not committed to psych wards or sedated for the duration SO vivid and SO numerous are these “tragimaginings.” (One benefit: we can watch the SAW series of movies–is SAW X out yet?–with our teens and just laugh and laugh–not phased at all. Ho-hum. Been there, seen that. Yawn.)

I said all of the previous to say this: If your child suffers an eye injury, you can no longer consider yourself a truly good parent. Turn in your good parent card. It’s over for you. I am sorry. No, there is no way back.

In COMMENTS below, share some of the “crazier warnings” your parents gave you and times when YOU almost shot or poked your eye out!

To find out more about the movie, A Christmas Story, click here: A Christmas Story

See these other great Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog featuring parents and famileis at their worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog featuring parents and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

To read the complete article, click here: Injuries Children of Good Parents NEVER Risk Suffering

Good Parents Tell Their Children That if They Believe in Themselves, They Can Accomplish Anything!

jkochenburger — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:05:00 +0000

Sure right NOW…

…Little Susie Celine Schwartz makes the dog howl when she sings…but one day…she will fill arenas (even church people have said this–non-fibbers!), IF she just believes in herself.

…Little Ralphie Coltrane Parker’s sax playing sounds like a duck being choked to death…but one day he will play on countless people’s records, IF he just believes in himself.

…Little Michael Barack Bumpus just throws the basketball up in the air and hits himself on the head (he ain’t but 3…BUT Tiger first picked up the clubs at 2!). And if he can’t be the next Michael Jordan one day, he can always settle for being President, IF he believes in himself.

If you just believe in yourself, you can accomplish ANYTHING–it’s what they’ve heard from their good parents all their lives–even at 3!

Here are some folks who were also told this by their good parents all their lives–and look what THEY’VE accomplished!

What is the #1 thing just about EVERYONE who has bombed on American Idol says? You guessed it: “My mom/dad always told me that if you just believe in yourself you can accomplish anything–that’s why I’m going to be the next American Idol!”

Simon Cowell…well he just often often “believes” differently typically finding himself at “odds” with the good parent.

This “Just believe in yourself…” is SUCH a load of idiotic bunk! What you REALLY have to do is…close your eyes, click your heels together, toss a pinch of salt over your shoulder, knock on wood, vote for Pedro, and say over and over “I believe in me!”…and THEN you’ll accomplish ANYTHING!

Oh and pay no mind to such unnecessary things as oh, I don’t know…um…having a grip on reality, genuine talent, doing tons of hard work, having some smarts, knowing oneself, forging good relationships/connections, timing, recognizing opportunities and just plain old being lucky…
Just believe!!!

In COMMENTS below, let us know what you think. Do you agree with good parents that, “If you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything!” What do you say to motivate or inspire your kids to accomplish good or big things?

Great Parenting Site: Parentconsensus
Families in the News (Cautionary Tales): Families in the News
Families That Inspire (Great families): Families That Inspire
Christmastime Memories (share your love for the holidays): ChristmasTime Memories