Things Good Parents Do

“Mom! Why can’t I go? EVERYBODY else is going!”
“Dad, you never let me do what EVERYBODY else gets to do!”
“Ohmigosh, EVERYBODY is going to be there…EVERYBODY! So why can’t I go?”
“I want ___________ ! EVERYBODY else has one!”

The good parent would never keep their kid from doing what EVERYBODY is doing. One of the biggest fears the good parent has is that their child will not get things everybody has or enjoy all the fun that everybody enjoys. In short, the good parent wants his or her child to have EVERYTHING everybody has.

Disclaimer: As an adult and a parent, I can’t say
I’ve ever met the fabled “everybody.”

Nor has any parent I know met everybody. Not unlike believing that Bigfoot exists, or in aliens in Area 51, or that there actually ARE music videos on Music TV (MTV)…simply the fact that our children (and most good parents) believe that everybody exist is enough. Their actual existence is of course, unnecessary.

In this post I would like to share with other enquiring parents what I am fairly certain of concerning everybody. Though ACTUAL sightings are rare, and always suspect (typically second and third-hand, “I know a guy who knows a guy who actually MET an everybody…”), I am able to provide a rudimentary composite, informed “description” of them here from what I’ve picked up over the years.

Everybody are the coolest, most popular, best-dressed, gorgeous kids you can imagine. They are rich, independent, and totally self-confident. They excel in all areas: socially, academically, athletically. And they do so effortlessly–without practice or study.

Everybody make all their own decisions. They do exactly what they want to do, when they want to do it–always. They get all the money they need from their parents to buy anthing or do anything they want.

Everybody do no work. They do no chores. They have no responsibilities. Their “job” (as they are often told by their parents) is to have fun and be a kid.

Everybody live in a world that revolves totally around them–to serve their every desire, want, need, or whim. It all exists for them. Better than shining stars–they are the sun around which the collective culural universe revolves.

Everybody never mention their parents–cause their parents and NO OTHER authority figures have any say or sway in their lives.

Everybody have cool parents (i.e. parents not like you or me). Everybody’s parents always dress cool. They drive cool cars. They have a cool house. Everybody says they are cool. They spend TONS of money on their kids. Everybody’s friends says Everybody’s parents are the COOLEST.

Everybody’s parents never set rules. They never discipline or judge their child–EVER. Everybody’s parents never give advice or even float an opinion. They believe in allowing their child to set their own rules and to make their own choices and decisions on everything–always.

Everybody’s parents ensure everybody has 100% absolute privacy and autonomy. They don’t snoop or try and know anything about everybody’s world–nothing about who they hang out with, what they do or even who they are. What would be the point? It’s none of the parent’s business and they know it. They trust their child in all things always.

Everybody’s parents–are in no way like a referee–but are instead, in all ways the adoring, starstruck fan. There they are, ever standing on the sidelines no matter what their child does or says. They are ALWAYS supportive, NEVER critical–ever. Everybody’s parents are their kid’s friend. They are eye to eye in their relationship–some even call their parents by their first name. The parents tell everybody kid EVERYTHING–even ask the everybody’s advice.

Parents of everybody always do only the fun things their kids want to do. They NEVER make their kids do stuff or go anywhere unless the child approves it. If the everybody kid says, “I’m bored” the everybody parent feels he or she has ultimately failed.